Groundhog Day
Things have been hurting lately. It’s a collective pain, I can’t pinpoint exactly what’s causing it. The mornings have been weird to me. I feel like when I wake up, I’m not in the right place. I open my eyes to a reality that seems foggy. My apartment looks the same, but something seems off — it’s as if everything has shifted over by a single inch. The change may be barely noticeable, but you can sense that something is different. In contrast, my daily routine hasn’t changed. It has been scarily the same every single day. Wake up, pour coffee. Cuddle in bed with the dog, doomscroll on Twitter for an hour or so. Check TikTok for a sense of comedic relief. Pour more coffee. Send a frustrated email about unemployment. Watch more TikToks.
At least Bill Murray was able to go outside in Groundhog Day.
Anyways, I’m not necessarily panicking. If I’m being completely honest with you, I have felt relatively numb the past couple of months. I don’t think I have had a real, productive thought since April (I was in the DIY home improvement phase during March). It just feels odd to watch the seasons go by through a window. Is it the connection with people that I miss or is it the connection with the Earth? Right now I feel as though the only true connection I have is with my phone.
I’m pretty skeptical at this point in my life. It’s not that I’m expecting the worst…but if you told me you were expecting the best, I would say to maybe not hold your breath? In my experience hope has lead to suffering more than not. “Live in the moment,” as they say. The moment gets pretty boring when it lasts 9 months though. Plus, there’s only so much I can do inside of a studio apartment. And I already walked the dog.
Do you remember when we all watched Tiger King? That feels like years ago.
This fog seems as though it’s sticking around for a while. At least I know that although I am alone in this room, I am not alone in this fog. We feel this collective pain as one. Under tragic circumstances, I’m grateful for that connection.
Things have been hurting lately. But they won’t hurt forever.
